sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
