Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
