your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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