I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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