If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
