If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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