I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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