My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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