i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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