is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm drive I can fine osifer
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
