I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize