I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
