Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
