Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
now i know why i became what i already was.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
