ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
