I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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