On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
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How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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