I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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