I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
