Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
