nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
