i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
