Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
