He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize