dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
