We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The best revenge is premature balding
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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