and you said cock pushups were impossible
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
my poor anus
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
