Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
