I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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