In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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