Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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