dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
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My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.