dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am one with the molecules
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us