I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy