I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.