I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
