i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
