I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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