I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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