Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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