Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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