Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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