Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Couch. On fire.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
