1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
