Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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