were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
