Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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