Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
