A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
