I looked at my own cervix.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
