how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
