Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
