i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
