we were pretty classy up until the second keg
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
