Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Someone shit on the floor
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
