So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
