this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
