just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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