Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
