If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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