I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
