Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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