I'm drive I can fine osifer
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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