I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
